Oswin Oswald: Dalek, and Breaking Up With Doctor Who

[kiki_eng]

I think that my not having watched the thirteenth doctor yet is probably a symptom of just how traumatic my break-up with new Who was.

Oswin's character arc was part of that break-up. I started drafting this rec set when I was disappointed at how Oswin was being handled by the show, back when I'd adopted a sort of tra-la-la attitude to the latest episode (canon? what canon?) and was completely willing to pretend that it had never happened, certain that fix-it fic for that first Oswin episode was the best possible response. After series seven, with it looking like all of Oswin's arc had been wrapped up, I still felt that way, like rejecting the entirety of that canon was the best possible choice.

I don't really remember series seven anymore; I'm not entirely certain that I watched those last three episodes. Matt Smith's departure wasn't a factor in the break-up, though when Capaldi replaced him that break felt clean and I knew that I wasn't going back as long as Moffat was still there. The eleventh of the fourteen episodes in series seven is the last I wrote about; I didn't write a tagged post about breaking up with the show.

I'm sure mentioned it in a post somewhere and definitely commented about it, but there wasn't a break-up post. I think that happened, instead, in the draft for this rec set:

I am so disappointed in Doctor Who and I feel like I am continually disappointed, these days. I feel like I'm heading for a break-up, because Doctor Who makes me want to cry. I can not stand all of the patterns of sexism that Steven Moffat weaves into his work, all of the misogynistic comments that he makes in interviews. I don't know that I can keep watching this show, that Matt Smith twirling around or spouting a fun one-liner or trying on a funny hat can make up for all of the things that make me angry. I love the Doctor but I don't love this Doctor Who. There's something sort of fundamentally incompatible for me with the Doctor in this Doctor Who that doesn't believe that everyone is equal.

That's not my doctor. That's not my doctor. The doctor of my heart is not written by a sexist who apparently thinks that writing gay jokes is being a good ally.

I don't think I finished that last paragraph, I think I just wrote that last sentence and walked away from the show. This draft sat forgotten in a folder and I stopped getting excited when I saw random people wearing Doctor Who stuff. I went from being happy to see them to drawing into myself and making a mental note that I probably wanted to avoid them, actually. A TARDIS button on a jacket stopped meaning like me, like me; it meant the opposite.

Steven Moffat didn't do it alone, but he did that. He took something I loved because it felt pure and hopeful and childish and brave and fun and he made me hate it, he told me that childish meant stupid and he made cowardly writing choices where actions didn't have consequences and everything kept resetting and going in circles, unchanged. He made gross sitcom-style jokes and told me that I was worthless; I was too female, I wasn't pretty enough (because I owed it to the world to be pretty enough), and my sexuality was a punchline. He took a show full of love, with Star Trek dreams, and he filled it with hate and sitcom zingers.

It broke my fucking fannish heart.

I don't think I'm over it, not quite, but I'm working on it, because my SFF friend with a heart like a schoolbus is watching the show, again, and he wants to talk episodes. So, en route to that, this post, with those fix-it fic recs for the first episode of the seventh series.

She Has The Technology by such_heights
Rating: PG | 1,218 words | Oswin Oswald
"Right then. Bugger all this for a game of soldiers. Time to make a daring escape."
In which Oswin finds herself a way out, makes some friends, and then does it again - goes and makes herself a body to explore the universe and everything else in. Charming.

Everything But the Kitchen Sink by Netgirl_y2k
Rating: PG | 1,014 words | Oswin Oswald
Another important lesson Oswin learns is that creeping up on the Doctor while he sleeps and shouting, "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" in his ear is only funny to her.
This makes me smile. Wherein Oswin Oswald is a dalek forever, and also never.

Inside Out by calapine
Rating: G | ~1,300 words | Oswin Oswald
Summary: The Doctor and his newest companion.
A series of snippets about Oswin settling in, to her body and the TARDIS. A bit sad.

Comments

[sophia_sol]

ohhh this post is a BIG MOOD, I also had a major traumatic breakup with doctor who that was largely Moffat's fault for the same kinds of reasons as you although earlier on. I spent two years post-break-up unable to think about the show without crying. I'm....still not totally over it. But I'm far more over it than I used to be, and capable of enjoying certain limited doctor who-related content again. I hope you can also continue to move forward to being in a better place with it, however that might look to you.

[kiki_eng]

It's not something I was prepared for at all, which made it worse. I held on for longer than I should have, probably, and getting over it has been a journey. (Is a journey, really. I know it's a different show now, but the concept of watching episodes of it still feels a bit like deciding to get back with an abusive ex.)

I got really excited when they announced Whittaker and the showrunner change. It meant that I could watch Doctor Who again, but actually watching it is something I'm less excited about. I don't think the break-up ever made me actually cry, but it made me bitter and angry. I don't want that.

I have a tiny 9 and Rose thing in my kitchen that I never took down, and I do love Doctor Who still, but it's different now and harder. So, yes, cheers to being capable of enjoying certain limited doctor who-related content again and us all moving forward. I wish this wasn't a thing at all in fandom, but it's nice not to be alone with it. Thanks.